Forgive me Father for all the horrible things that I do and say or the good that I don't do or say.
Please redeem the time and the life that you have given me. Use it for Your glory, and my joy because I'm really filled with tears at what I still seem to be.
I know that you will finish the work you started in me...
Monday, June 30, 2014
Saturday, June 28, 2014
In My Lack of Artistic Productivity
Reading through Isaiah 5:10 "..for 10 acres of vineyard shall yield one bath..."
"God judged the greedy rich by reducing the productivity of their land to a small fraction of what it would have been normally. One bath was roughly equivalent to 6 gallons" (J Mac)
I definitely feel this is how I am--a greedy rich artist who buys extra supplies they don't need much and doesn't use everything as often as they would like to. I have so much, that I do not know which tool I should use when. because of being indecisive with all the choices, I end up being quite unproductive.
If anything, my art-producing pace is slow, but I pray that God would make my heart clean each day, renew it each morning and that I would find increased joy in making it for Him.
As they say, with more that you have comes more responsibility and the more expected of you.
I hope that I'll some how to be able to make more of a breakthrough in art.
"God judged the greedy rich by reducing the productivity of their land to a small fraction of what it would have been normally. One bath was roughly equivalent to 6 gallons" (J Mac)
I definitely feel this is how I am--a greedy rich artist who buys extra supplies they don't need much and doesn't use everything as often as they would like to. I have so much, that I do not know which tool I should use when. because of being indecisive with all the choices, I end up being quite unproductive.
If anything, my art-producing pace is slow, but I pray that God would make my heart clean each day, renew it each morning and that I would find increased joy in making it for Him.
As they say, with more that you have comes more responsibility and the more expected of you.
I hope that I'll some how to be able to make more of a breakthrough in art.
Friday, June 27, 2014
An Offering
I've been rereading Genesis and as I read about Cain and Abel, I saw myself in Cain. Cain brings an offering of fruit to God, something that he wants to bring instead of what God would like Him to bring--an animal sacrifice. It is not God's preference of Abel over Cain, just God's requirement that Cain also bring an animal sacrifice.
I feel like Cain because I'm always bringing to God what I want to bring--the art He's given to me--like for this 40 day challenge--I'm trying to bring my art to God--by drawing 40 faces instead of sacrificing to God what He wants me to sacrifice.
However, on the flip side, since Christ was a sacrifice for my sins, God can still be glorified in my bringing what I would want to bring--I just pray that my heart also be changed in the attitude of how I bring the art He has given me to Him. I also pray that my improvement in art, if any, would be a praise to Him as wel
I feel like Cain because I'm always bringing to God what I want to bring--the art He's given to me--like for this 40 day challenge--I'm trying to bring my art to God--by drawing 40 faces instead of sacrificing to God what He wants me to sacrifice.
However, on the flip side, since Christ was a sacrifice for my sins, God can still be glorified in my bringing what I would want to bring--I just pray that my heart also be changed in the attitude of how I bring the art He has given me to Him. I also pray that my improvement in art, if any, would be a praise to Him as wel
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Spiritual Attacks
Ever since the 40 Day Impact Challenge has started
I feel like my art skills with drawing people from reference (because I'm drawing 40 faces from my facebook friends list this time around) have been degraded all of a sudden--I used to be able to sketch people from photos out in pen with ease.
Perhaps, I was not as good as I thought I was-- maybe , maybe not. Maybe I just never focused so much on drawing portraits well and that is the cause of my frustration.
But I'm definitely learning something--and it reminds me of Job's circumstance although mine may not be as extreme. For some reason, if I am under spiritual attack by evil spirits and God is allowing them to take the skills He has given me, away---and if I am leaning on Christ, then that is all that matters. Like what Job said, he was afraid that God would allow all that He had given Job to be taken away , but He still trusted in God's Sovereignty, praising Him even through those dreaded circumstances.
God, please help me to continue to trust in you and to flee to You in these times , that if I'm frustrated with having to redraw a face over 5-10 times instead of getting it right the first time, then You would be glorified in my running to You. If and when I finish each face each day, I pray that You would be most glorified even if the likenesses are not captured at all.
Have mercy on me. *cries*
or I just need to work on portraits more , besides, portraits probably are the hardest thing to draw?
I feel like my art skills with drawing people from reference (because I'm drawing 40 faces from my facebook friends list this time around) have been degraded all of a sudden--I used to be able to sketch people from photos out in pen with ease.
Perhaps, I was not as good as I thought I was-- maybe , maybe not. Maybe I just never focused so much on drawing portraits well and that is the cause of my frustration.
But I'm definitely learning something--and it reminds me of Job's circumstance although mine may not be as extreme. For some reason, if I am under spiritual attack by evil spirits and God is allowing them to take the skills He has given me, away---and if I am leaning on Christ, then that is all that matters. Like what Job said, he was afraid that God would allow all that He had given Job to be taken away , but He still trusted in God's Sovereignty, praising Him even through those dreaded circumstances.
God, please help me to continue to trust in you and to flee to You in these times , that if I'm frustrated with having to redraw a face over 5-10 times instead of getting it right the first time, then You would be glorified in my running to You. If and when I finish each face each day, I pray that You would be most glorified even if the likenesses are not captured at all.
Have mercy on me. *cries*
or I just need to work on portraits more , besides, portraits probably are the hardest thing to draw?
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Jesus Appeared in my Dreams
I woke up the night before last night so encouraged because, well, because Jesus had appeared and talked to me in my dreams.
I wasn't excited to see Jesus in my dream at first though, I was scared. I was sitting in a line of people wearing a towel and I felt naked when I saw Him. My sin would be so obvious to Him. I ducked behind the person in front of me hoping He wouldn't see me. Then He came up to me from a different direction and I noticed so He motioned me to come forward and held out his hand. I realized I did not feel naked anymore.
I was afraid of him a little still because as we walked , I hated some thoughts I had. but when He didn't condemn me, I relaxed more.
As we walked, He talked to me. He pointed out something on my left ear and I took it and saw that it was a reddish weathered and used looking stub of a pencil but the point still sharp. He said affectionately "You're always using that pencil" (the metaphorical pencil I carry around with me everywhere to draw) I said "I never realized that! I've never used up a whole pencil before [in real life]."
As we continued to walk we passed a classmate sharing the gospel with someone.
He then said, "This year, I would like you to relax in nature more (these weren't his exact words) but when I woke up I realized that I could be praying to God more because He was right there, all the time. Just to rest in His presence.
we then entered a construction area
we passed by some doctors dressed as construction workers (haha they're doing construction on my heart --was what I thought when I woke up)
and I told Jesus, Hey, my brother is a doctor too, but then I realized it wasn't the same thing, healing the soul.
when we sat down at some tables, He called me by my ex's name. I was confused and asked Him what it meant. From this point forward, everything seemed confusing to me when I woke up. Jesus replied that "when two people really love each other, they are before at the beginning…" but I did not understand the rest of what He was saying because He was disappearing. I tried to walk towards Him but when I reached the other side of the table it was my cousin and his girlfriend, but I didn't recognize them at all until I asked them who they were. My cousin told me he wasn't upfront with me about everything (because I had a crush on him before) and he was okay with me being Christian, but not okay with me going back to Amsterdam, which was a big 'no-no' . I said I was going to go back and turned around and left and said "to myself ,I hope you live" (which struck me as quite bitter later when I woke up). The dream assumed I had gone on missions in Amsterdam already, so basically I told him I was going to go back there for missions again.
So, I googled Amsterdam after I woke up because I had forgotten what Amsterdam was like. It made sense .
I woke up still feeling a love for Jesus I felt like I had never felt before.
I wondered later in the day if that dream was a real experience because sometimes when things like this happen, I wonder if it was really Him. But then I realized, God must've sent it for a reason and besides, it pointed me back towards Himself.
I also wondered why I didn't feel this Jesus' love for me that seemed so obvious to other people when other people had experiences like this. Then I realized that everyone experiences Him differently and even though I may not 'feel' His love for me, it doesn't get rid of the truth that He is still always there for me and always with me.
I wasn't excited to see Jesus in my dream at first though, I was scared. I was sitting in a line of people wearing a towel and I felt naked when I saw Him. My sin would be so obvious to Him. I ducked behind the person in front of me hoping He wouldn't see me. Then He came up to me from a different direction and I noticed so He motioned me to come forward and held out his hand. I realized I did not feel naked anymore.
I was afraid of him a little still because as we walked , I hated some thoughts I had. but when He didn't condemn me, I relaxed more.
As we walked, He talked to me. He pointed out something on my left ear and I took it and saw that it was a reddish weathered and used looking stub of a pencil but the point still sharp. He said affectionately "You're always using that pencil" (the metaphorical pencil I carry around with me everywhere to draw) I said "I never realized that! I've never used up a whole pencil before [in real life]."
As we continued to walk we passed a classmate sharing the gospel with someone.
He then said, "This year, I would like you to relax in nature more (these weren't his exact words) but when I woke up I realized that I could be praying to God more because He was right there, all the time. Just to rest in His presence.
we then entered a construction area
we passed by some doctors dressed as construction workers (haha they're doing construction on my heart --was what I thought when I woke up)
and I told Jesus, Hey, my brother is a doctor too, but then I realized it wasn't the same thing, healing the soul.
when we sat down at some tables, He called me by my ex's name. I was confused and asked Him what it meant. From this point forward, everything seemed confusing to me when I woke up. Jesus replied that "when two people really love each other, they are before at the beginning…" but I did not understand the rest of what He was saying because He was disappearing. I tried to walk towards Him but when I reached the other side of the table it was my cousin and his girlfriend, but I didn't recognize them at all until I asked them who they were. My cousin told me he wasn't upfront with me about everything (because I had a crush on him before) and he was okay with me being Christian, but not okay with me going back to Amsterdam, which was a big 'no-no' . I said I was going to go back and turned around and left and said "to myself ,I hope you live" (which struck me as quite bitter later when I woke up). The dream assumed I had gone on missions in Amsterdam already, so basically I told him I was going to go back there for missions again.
So, I googled Amsterdam after I woke up because I had forgotten what Amsterdam was like. It made sense .
I woke up still feeling a love for Jesus I felt like I had never felt before.
I wondered later in the day if that dream was a real experience because sometimes when things like this happen, I wonder if it was really Him. But then I realized, God must've sent it for a reason and besides, it pointed me back towards Himself.
I also wondered why I didn't feel this Jesus' love for me that seemed so obvious to other people when other people had experiences like this. Then I realized that everyone experiences Him differently and even though I may not 'feel' His love for me, it doesn't get rid of the truth that He is still always there for me and always with me.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Background Wallpaper
Carpenter---You worked with wood,
the first Adam sinned by a tree and so sin came into the world.
the second Adam, You, Christ died on a dead tree so that the world could be saved through you.
Carpenter--You worked with wood
You took the once living tree and turned the dead tree into something different and new entirely--
a cabinet perhaps, to place kitchenware in.
a chair perhaps, to allow a tired man to rest hisself.
a pair of chopsticks, perhaps XD. to allow one to nourish oneself.
Carpenter--You work with wood,
take this dead old tree
and make it new --use it for thy kingdom
your glory--Engrave your Name on it, and call it Yours.
Because you hand shaped it and it will always be Yours.
the first Adam sinned by a tree and so sin came into the world.
the second Adam, You, Christ died on a dead tree so that the world could be saved through you.
Carpenter--You worked with wood
You took the once living tree and turned the dead tree into something different and new entirely--
a cabinet perhaps, to place kitchenware in.
a chair perhaps, to allow a tired man to rest hisself.
a pair of chopsticks, perhaps XD. to allow one to nourish oneself.
Carpenter--You work with wood,
take this dead old tree
and make it new --use it for thy kingdom
your glory--Engrave your Name on it, and call it Yours.
Because you hand shaped it and it will always be Yours.
The Changing Heart
Werewolf werewolf, change into a beast that howls in the moonlight
and chases after things, satisfying your hunger, sinking sharp fangs into the flesh of rabbits, watching the feathers fly as you maul a pheasant.
You love the thrill of the kill--
and yet you wouldn't say that you love it when your friends somehow receive bad news, that somehow they're not doing as well as you are, that yes, you are better off than them and that makes you feel satisfied.
you don't exactly lord it over them, but you are, you are in your own quiet way. It's quite sneaky.
Oh accursed I am, that my nature is the way it is.
Help my unbelief. the rebel heart, the heart that thrills in satisfying it's own desires and not Yours…
Change my heart oh God
transform the heart, transform the soul, make me new.
and chases after things, satisfying your hunger, sinking sharp fangs into the flesh of rabbits, watching the feathers fly as you maul a pheasant.
You love the thrill of the kill--
and yet you wouldn't say that you love it when your friends somehow receive bad news, that somehow they're not doing as well as you are, that yes, you are better off than them and that makes you feel satisfied.
you don't exactly lord it over them, but you are, you are in your own quiet way. It's quite sneaky.
Oh accursed I am, that my nature is the way it is.
Help my unbelief. the rebel heart, the heart that thrills in satisfying it's own desires and not Yours…
Change my heart oh God
transform the heart, transform the soul, make me new.
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