and then I wanted to be God of my own life--I had it all planned--I wanted to do these things, I wanted to be this sort of person, have that sort of life--the world said, if you wanted it, you had to try and get it--And it was all just a huge weight on my shoulders to carry--a sack of amenities that I know at the deepest part of my heart that I really did not need.
But if I couldn't do a very good job, who would and could promise better?
and really, I mean promise.
I am not perfect and yet I thought I could do a decent albeit with some mistakes, okay, a massive shipwreck of the life I was living. But until I realized I could not do it on my own , let alone feign a sort of smile that everything was actually not that bad, things would not look up.
My burdens were staring me down.
What I needed was to stop focusing on what I had and wanted to do, and start focusing on Christ and what He did for me. Who He was and is and will always be and who I should really emulate and come to know as Lord and Savior.
I'm probably beating the dead horse by now, but God died for me! What do I say to that? Sorry sir, but I can't accept that? You really didn't have to. It's too much. in polite speech...
OR-- I really don't need it, I don't want it, I have my own life, who cares what happened to you, I don't think you're God, you were just some insane person that devoted your whole life tempted as I were tempted, tried as I were tried and found guiltless, a spotless lamb. and even if you were insane you devoted your whole life to this and died a needless death for who? really? You're heart was for me? and that's why you did it?
I ….I , I really can't…accept that. I'm sorry, but I just can't.
I have my own beliefs.
and I know you died supposedly died for my sake, but-- please respect my beliefs.
No comments:
Post a Comment